For example, yesterday when I was running, I kept picturing myself collapsing on the sidewalk. I was really struggling with my run (so maybe the jogging stroller isn't the cause of my problems...?) and I've also been having this weird issue where twice in the past two days, it's felt like my heart or lung is ripping inside me when I try to breathe deeply. So I guess that's where it came from. But instead of just brushing it off and moving on, I started picturing details about what would happen. Someone would drive by and see me laying there, and would grab the phone off my arm to find out who to call. They'd probably call the number labeled Home, Adam would answer, and they'd describe a person laying (dead?) on the street. He would freak out, get the kids in the car, and pull up as the ambulance was loading me in. Very detailed. I just couldn't get my brain to move on.
Obviously I was fine, but exhausted. And I should also mention that I waited to get Lorelai from daycare so I could run without the jogging stroller. #don'tjudge
It also happens regularly when I'm driving on a bridge over water (I admit, I have anxiety when it comes to bridges--driving to the OBX was really scary for me and you will probably never see me with fewer than two hands on the steering wheel over water). In my mind, I can't help but picture and play out what would happen if I drove off the bridge. Not that I would purposefully drive off the bridge, but if we had an accident that caused us to go over.
And I do it with the kids, too. It'll be a completely harmless situation--like they're at school when I get a call that something tragic has happened. It's always very disturbing. Kind of like a nightmare, but I'm wide awake.
I don't know, maybe it's just me subconsciously confronting my own mortality in the wake of senseless tragedy like the Boston Marathon bombings. Or my kids' mortality whenever I (often) get sucked into terrible news stories of kids dying...
Do other people do this too, or am I mentally unstable? And did I just admit that I'm mentally unstable to the entire interwebs? Maybe I should also ask: has anyone else had a similar feeling like your heart's going to tear or like your lung can't expand anymore or it'll tear (it's hard to describe)? I know better than to google...(or do I?)
Girl, if this isn't normal than I guess we are both mentally unstable. Especially with all the crazy things happening in our world today, how can one NOT think morbid thoughts! It sucks.
ReplyDeleteIt does suck. Glad I'm not alone though!
DeleteI do this all the time. I think it's honestly because we're all living in fear. We're fearing that our small world is no longer safe due to all these terrorist attacks, the crime rates and the fact that shows like CSI show us what disgusting individuals are capable of doing to us. I have these same fears so do not think you're alone!!
ReplyDeleteExactly! The more you know, right? UGH :| Thanks for commiserating with me.
DeleteThis is so me. But I am diagnosed with anxiety and this is pretty common for people like me.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I wouldn't be surprised if end up having diagnosable anxiety at some point. It runs in my family, unfortunately. But thankfully it's not to the point where it affects my daily life, yet. Thanks for relating, it's always good to know I'm not alone!
DeleteI do this ALL the time when I run. What if a car hits me? What if someone attacks me? There's a dog, it might come after me and go straight for the jugular. I have a runner's ID tag on my shoe, and I always think to myself "if someone snatches me kick that shoe off so people who are looking for you will find the shoe." I'm a whack job.
ReplyDeleteOk, that's not crazy, that's brilliant!! :)
DeleteLate reading this, but I do it too! And I was just wondering the other day if I was the only one. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!
ReplyDelete