Life's gotten in the way--between our beach vacation, work being as crazy as it's ever been for me, and the rest of the proverbial shit that's hit the fan recently, I haven't had the time or the mental capacity at the end of the day to do anything other than veg in front of the TV or sleep. That is, when I'm not jumping out of bed at 11pm to send some urgent emails I thought of while I was trying to fall asleep but couldn't because my brain wouldn't quiet down. I've felt more stress these past couple of weeks than I can remember in a long time. I know I have to keep swimming, but I'm having trouble keeping my head above water.
So in bullet point form, here's what's been going on in my world. Quite a bit of ups and downs last week...
- We went to the beach for 4 glorious days!
- I've had to eat my words (twice!) about how Logan has turned the corner, because he basically did this again last Monday. But more scary this time, because of all the morbid thoughts he was verbalizing. Drop-off at his trackout program was...let's just say rough...and 30 minutes later I was back to pick him up because he was threatening to run away from them. The teacher had to physically restrain him from leaving the room.
- On Tuesday, I was moved to tears by a coworker who noticed that I was having a really rough day on Monday (crying about Logan in the hall at work was a dead giveaway...embarrassing) and delivered these flowers to my desk to try to brighten my day. It worked!
- That night, while Adam was out of town for work, Logan got upset at me again and acted like he was trying to suffocate himself. In my heart I know he didn't really mean it and I know he couldn't have actually hurt himself that way, but it scared Aidan (and me) to tears.
- Wednesday I called my Employee Assistance Program hotline for a referral to a child psychologist. I don't know what's going on with Logan, but I'm worried so I have to do something. Anything.
- Then I engaged in some retail therapy during lunch because I just had to get out of the office for a bit, and ended up with these cute polka dot pants I found on the clearance rack at Target. Score!
- And then last Thursday, Adam lost his job. Gulp.
(And just to add insult to injury, on Friday, I came down with a cold. Seriously?!)
Now that the initial shock has worn off, we're doing okay. Adam's okay. I have faith that he will find a new job that's better than his previous one. He's so good at what he does and well-respected in his field that I shouldn't be worried. But it's the uncertainty that's scary right now. How long will he have to go without a paycheck?
As much as I'm complaining now, I know I'm not special. Lots of people have lost their jobs or their pay because of the furloughs. Lots of people are working (even more) insane hours alongside me right now. Lots of people have issues with their kids.
And really, I know we'll be okay in the end. We're lucky because we have our health (knock on some serious freakin' wood!). We're lucky because we're not immediately in a dire financial situation. We're lucky because I still have a job, regardless of how insane it's been lately. We're lucky because we have each other and a supportive family.
"When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do? Just keep swimming..." ~Dory
We'll be okay.