To Lorelai on your 2nd birthday

Oh baby girl. I could say a million wonderful things about you. You're sweet, beautiful, hilarious, smart, cute, and snuggly.



You love to run and jump (really jump, both feet off the ground!) and play.

 

You're so full of personality. I've died a thousand deaths of cuteness from the things you say and do.

 

Your teachers tell me how helpful you are and how special you are to them, and I love that they love you while we're not there. Your smile is infectious and your laugh, especially when the boys are doing something to crack you up, is music to my ears.



You can also be stubborn and strong-willed, but that's a good thing sometimes because you can hold your own with your crazy brothers. You tell them what's what and don't let them get away with anything. Your "No Logie" + finger wag when he accidentally hit you with his toy was simply awesome.

The new play kitchen we got  her is a hit!

 But boy do you sure bring out the soft side in them! Your hugs are like magic, they can cure even their worst grumpy mood.



When you call out to say "need you" we all come running. You have us wrapped around your finger, no doubt about it.





My favorite thing you say is "hold you" when you want to be picked up. When you grab my neck and rub or pat my back when you hug me, I melt. When I kiss your sweet face, I inhale to take in your sweet smell. You're like my happy pill, and I don't even care if that's a weird thing to say.



I love that you're talking more. Any concerns I had before are gone, because even though I can't understand you all the time, you're saying so many words and phrases, and you repeat so much. The most hilarous thing you say now is "I farted" (even though I have a hard time believe you're farting *that* much, silly girl). Thankfully, we've convinced you to also say "excuse me."



I love the way you ask for "milt" instead of milk. I love how you say "peas" and "thank you" when we prompt you, and when you want to do something yourself, you say "La-lai do it." I love when you sing songs and then cheer for yourself at the end, even if you only do an abbreviated version of the alphabet song. "A B C D E F G, next time won't you sing with me. YAY!" (Although you did finally make it all the way through this week with no help!) And "I love you mommy" and "I love you daddy" will never get old.



If I could freeze time, I'm pretty sure I'd freeze right now with you. You're still my snuggly baby and a little girl at the same time. But I can't freeze time, and you're growing up so fast! You're getting so big (all 31.4 pounds and 35 1/4 inches of you) and even though I want you to stay my baby forever, I can't wait to watch you keep learning and growing.

Let's learn not to touch fire, mmmkay? Good lookin' out, Grandma Ellie :)

 

You're my favorite girl in the world and we're all so lucky to have you in our lives. Happy 2nd birthday, sweet Lorelai!

I can't go through this again

Three years ago, we went through a really rough time with Logan. So rough that we took him to a child psychologist a couple of times because I thought he was emotionally unstable and we needed help dealing with it. He would freak out and throw tantrums over the littlest of issues, and would become completely irrational and unreasonable and physically violent. He would tell us "I want to hurt you" and become physically violent with us and sometimes try to hurt himself. It was terrifying and horribly difficult to live through. And this went on for probably close to 6 months. Without a doubt, this was the most difficult parenting challenge I've ever had to face.

Then we got through it, I chalked it up to a phase that he grew out of, blocked out some of the most horrible encounters from my memory, and moved on. He still had some outbursts, but nothing like he used to have. Until last week. And then again last night.

It all started with a simple mistake in the way he wrote the number 3 on one of his papers from school. When I helpfully corrected him, he became angry and insisted that the way he wrote it was right, and that every other number 3 in the world was wrong. He insisted, despite me and Aidan calmly pointing out other examples throughout the house. He tried to rip up his paper, and when I refused to let him by putting the paper where he couldn't reach it, he launched into a fit of rage.

He kicked me, punched me in my arms, my throat and my head, pinched me, pushed me, screamed at me. All despite my calm, but firm voice (which I'm impressed I was able to mostly maintain) begging and pleading with him to stop, and my insistence that I loved him and wanted to help him get through it. He was relentless and very difficult for me to physically restrain.

At the point where I got punched in the throat and had to pin Logan on the ground to protect myself, I couldn't help but cry, which then really upset Aidan and made him cry. On his birthday, of all days. It was a terrible ordeal that didn't end until Adam got home to talk some sense into him. And then he was fine and we went to Moe's for Aidan's birthday as planned. It's like he's two different people.

Later that night at bedtime, he told me he doesn't like being wrong, and was mad that I told him he was wrong. This is really scary to me, because what if he reacts that way when his teacher tries to help him when he's wrong? How do we prevent that?

I'm literally sitting here crying right now and sick to my stomach with worry, because I can't go through this again. I can't watch as my child screams that I don't love him and he doesn't love me, and he would rather die than do what I want him to do. I can't physically handle his force now that he's bigger. And there's so much more at stake now that he's in public school.

The physical bruises hurt, but the pain in my heart and the fear of what's to come and what this means about the person he's going to become is too much to bear. Where did my sweet Logan go and how can I get him back?

Happy 8th birthday to Aidan!

Another year has passed in the blink of an eye, and Aidan is all of a sudden 8 years old!

When I went back to read my post last year on Aidan's 7th birthday, I got teary all over again. Aidan still continues to amaze me. He's doing great in school, he really enjoys math and reading, and I can tell he's becoming more independent. For a school assignment, when asked for three words that best describe him, he came up with "funny, playful and smart." (All on his own, no prompting from me!)

From Memorial Day (and I still miss that hair, as crazy as it was)

When he grows up, he wants to be "a manager, like my dad" or "a racecar driver" (depending on the day you ask him, I guess). Dream big, kiddo. Although I strongly prefer you stay away from any dangerous professions, for the record.

"When I grow up I want to be a race car driver."

And I don't mean to brag (ok, yes I do ☺), but he's put me down as his hero on two separate school assignments so far. Proud mom alert!

He also loves anything that has to do with Star Wars or Legos, and is therefore completely obsessed with Lego Star Wars Wii. Since we don't let him sit in front of the tv all day or evening (which he just might do if we let him, alternating between Wii and Phineas and Ferb), drawing and Origami can keep him occupied for a long time, even at school when he's not supposed to be doing either one. (That was not a fun call from his second grade teacher who said he was doing origami instead of his school work...)

Among all of the many things I love about him, I think the thing I love the most is the overwhelming love and caring for his sister. He's always been a great big brother to Logan, but he's just continued to get better and better with Lorelai. He never hesitates to help her when she needs something, and he loves to read to her and teach her things. He even brought a book home from his Chick-fil-a kid's meal for her last night instead of trading it in for ice cream. Whenever he's in a bad mood, a hug from her is just about the only thing that can put a smile on his face.

And let me tell you, we've had to use the Lorelai hug trick more often than I would like. Apparently 7-8 year-olds "may frequently pout, may not respond promptly or hear directions, may forget, are easily distracted, and may withdraw or not interact with others in an attempt to build a sense of self."

His moodiness has been a huge source of frustration for me and Adam, because we know what a happy kid he usually is, and how pleasant he is to be around normally. I hate when he pouts and withdraws, and it breaks my heart when he gets so sad and can't articulate why he's feeling that way. But at least I know he's developmentally on track...unfortunately it looks like we may have a year of this left. If this is a glimpse into the teenage years, I can't even. Hold me.



Warning: mood swing in progress. Also, evidence that he still argues when I try to take a picture of him.

He started the day off with a hug tackle from Logan, and opened up a couple of his presents this morning (a Lego Darth Vader clock and some origami stuff). Tonight we're having a simple birthday dinner at Moe's. And per his request, we're headed to the beach and aquarium this weekend to re-create the birthday fun we had last year. Although we'll be at the aquarium on Lorelai's birthday this time. Thankfully, he doesn't mind sharing his day with his sister, and she's too young to care, either. Win win!

Happy 8th birthday to Aidan! You are so loved and we're so proud of you!

iPhone photo dump {week 25}

I don't even know what to say about this week. High points, low points, and a lot of stress in between. Ugh.



Highlights:

• We started off the weekend with back to school shopping and came home with tons of stuff. Is it just me, or is there something exciting about a fresh box of crayons?
• We've been into french toast lately. Adam made a super yummy breakfast for us and we couldn't shovel it into our faces fast enough. (Side note: Lorelai thinks everything is more yummy if it comes straight from daddy's plate.)
• We had another Star Wars movie night. Started it on Friday, finished it on Saturday with Starbucks. Starbuck + Star Wars, it's like it was meant to be. (Although I strongly prefer one over the other ☺)
• We went to Brixx for pizza (and no one threw up this time!).
• Adam was gone almost all day Sunday, but got home in time to go to the pool with us. Logan is doing so much better with his swimming, and even ventured out into the deep end with us!
• Aidan and Logan both had good first days of school.
• I think Lorelai missed not seeing Aidan while he was at school, so she was super excited to see him when she got home. He was doing his reading homework, but she cuddled up to him and stole his hand to give him high five. She also sat on his lap while he read to her. Melt my heart.
• Lorelai in a mustache. Enough said.
• Also, wine.

Lowlights:

• Thursday. The only good thing I can say at this point is the Logan did have an excellent day on Friday, and when we went back to daycare to pick Lorelai up, he did a great job delivering his apology note to his teacher. He gave her big hugs, and all of his friends hug-mobbed him because they missed him already (and were apparently really worried about him on Thursday).
• My neck still hurts from trying to wrestle Logan out of the van.
• My eye has been twitching since Wednesday. I'm blaming stress.
• Lorelai's party is today and I hadn't really prepped or planned, let alone cleaned, until yesterday. Thank goodness it's just family and they (and Lorelai) hopefully won't care that I don't have a Pinterest-worthy party (although I do care).
• Either Pinterest lied or I did something wrong. My nails were not hard as a rock after I soaked them in ice water for three minutes. I guess I'll just stick to the quick-dry top coat, or patience. But I was really disappointed that didn't work for me.

Hoping for a more even keel week coming up. Although I'm still banking on a lot of stress since we're headed to the beach and I haven't started planning for that, either.

Linking up with Amy @ a good life.

This is why I was worried about Kindergarten.

When I said yesterday that "with Logan, it can be hard to tell how he'll react to something," what I was really getting at is that he loses his $h!* over the most ridiculous things sometimes and can become completely irrational and unreasonable (most notably and inconveniently when it comes to daycare drop offs even as recently as this year).

I've said before that he has a hard time handling his emotions, so I had mentally prepared for a rough drop off on his first day of kindergarten. I thought we had made it over the "transitions are hard" hurdle with him after such a great first day, but it turns out today was rock bottom after such a high point yesterday.

Logan got kicked out of daycare on his last ever day there. Yeah, that happened. And I'm mortified, upset, pissed and disappointed.

I honestly have no idea what set him off, but somewhere during the 2-minute drive to his last day at daycare, he decided that he was.not.going. I used every trick in my mommy arsenal to convince him to get out of the van: encouragement, compassion, humor, bribery, punishment, tears, and even brute force (and I have a kink in my neck to show for it). Nothing worked, so I carried Lorelai inside in tears and the director offered to try to get him.

That didn't work either, so I sat in the car with Logan, begging and crying for him to get out. For THIRTY MINUTES! He said he wanted to stay in the car all day, and when I told him it wasn't an option because it's too dangerous--kids die from being in hot cars for too long (I was going for the shock factor here)--he told me he would rather die than get out of the car. Lots of tears ensued and more hurtful words were said. You NEVER want to hear that you child thinks you don't love him, and that he doesn't love you either. He even said that if Adam came to help "I'll just unbuckle myself while daddy's driving so he goes to jail" (we may have overstated the consequences of not buckling up at time or two in the past...).

I finally convinced him to let me unbuckle him, but he immediately changed his mind and I had to physically carry him from the back seat of the van into the building kicking and screaming. The director took him and said he'd be fine since he usually calms down quickly after a bad drop off at school.

I cried all the way to work and then for a while longer in my friend's office because it was just that upsetting to me (parenting failure much?). I finally calmed down just in time to get a call saying that Logan was still kicking, punching, and trying to run out of the building. They needed me to pick him up. And just to kick me while I was down, they had packed up his cubby and papers and had it all sitting in a pile by the front door when I got there.

By the time I got there, he had calmed down (probably glad because he got what he wanted--not having to be at daycare), and he agreed to come to work with me. Because on top of all of that ridiculousness, our a/c broke last night, so I wasn't about to spend all day in a hot house with a kid who has lost TV and Wii privileges.

Thankfully, he was on his best behavior while he hung out at work with me, even though he did get totally stir-crazy. Thank goodness for awesome co-workers who gave him things to entertain him. But in hindsight, he said he would rather been playing with his friends. TOLD YOU SO! GAH!



He even took the time to write an apology note to his awesome teacher and draw her a picture. (Which obviously I made him do, but he didn't even complain about it.)

He told me what he wanted to write, I dictated the letters. Plus, arts and crafts with a sharpie and a stray magazine in the recycle pile. Use what you got, right?

Then he did the same on my white board. Now that he's calm, I think he really does feel bad for hurting our feelings and completely ruining his last day of daycare.

"Sorry for makeg you kry." He knew how to spell some of the words from his letter to his teacher, and he sounded out the others on his own.

Suffice it to say that it was NOT a good day, and not at all how I envisioned his last day at the place he's been for almost every day of the week since he was 12 weeks old. Unceremoniously kicked out. For violence. And now I bow my head in prayer that this NEVER happens again. Dear God, please.

And I also pray our a/c gets fixed tomorrow. I'm in no mood to handle this heat in my house.

First day of kindergarten

Logan had his first day of Kindergarten today, and he did great! He was so excited and ready to go, as soon as he woke up. Today was his staggered entry day, so he goes for one day this week with a small fraction of his class, and then everyone goes on Friday.

Since it was his first day, we wanted to walk him in to school. Part of me was worried he would be nervous and get upset when we had to leave. With Logan, it can be hard to tell how he'll react to something. All along, he's had mixed emotions about Kindergarten. On the one hand, he's very resistant to change and has expressed concerns about not making any friends, and has fears about being bullied. On the other hand, he was excited to ride the bus to "big kid" school and about going to the same school as Aidan.

Pardon Aidan's crazy hair...

Turns out I was worried for nothing. We were the first ones there (out of 5 others scheduled for today), so he was able to find his desk, give his teacher his supplies and get settled. We took pictures, gave hugs, kisses and high-fives and we were off, leaving him with a huge smile on his face and ready to spell his name with play doh.



He took the bus home, which he was really excited about. And I wasn't worried about it all this time like I was with Aidan, since Aidan was there to make sure he got off at the right bus stop. Plus, his assistant teacher is the afternoon bus coordinator, so I knew she would make sure he got on the right bus.




He had an excellent day! They toured the school, learned about all the rules, did lots of art projects, had recess, and ate lunch in the cafeteria. He said he even made a friend already. The best part is that he can't wait to go back. I'm so proud of my little man.

3rd grade, bring it on!

I never would have guessed a kid would be more excited to get back to school than be at summer camp, but Aidan was totally that kid. He was practically giddy last night and all smiles this morning as he got ready for his first day of 3rd grade.

I didn't quite get it when he told me a couple of weeks ago that he didn't want to be in his camp class any more, he wanted to be back at school. But when we went to school last week to meet his teacher, I totally got it. He was totally in his element, showing Logan around, and saying hi to just about every other kid we passed on our way in and out. He missed his friends and his comfort zone. Who would have guessed—my son, a social butterfly (for the record I'm SO not, and Adam isn't either).

He came home today with the same huge smile on his face and said his teacher is awesome, he's got friends in his class, and he made even more friends. He sat right down to do his first homework assignment, and didn't complain once. Of course it helped that it was a fun get-to-know-you exercise, but still. Also? For one part, he had to put "someone you admire or your hero." Here's what he put:

I'm his hero. ☺ The bottom part says "Because she helped make my bad dreams go away."
(I corrected his spelling.) Parenting WIN!

He also said that one thing he would change about school is "give it more math." I'd say that's another win, for sure. ☺


I'm just so happy he's got a love for school, and he's starting the year off on a positive note. And yes, I've still got my fingers and toes crossed it stays that way and we don't have any more issues like in first grade.

All smiles, all year. That's what I'm hoping for!




And this little dude seems just as eager. Only one more day...

So long, Summer Break, we hardly knew you

And just like that, our 5-week summer break from school is over. For some reason, it seems like this one went by much faster than any of the previous ones we've had since Aidan's been in school, and I'm pretty bummed about it. Aidan's first day back to school is tomorrow, and Logan's is on Wednesday. Thank goodness they seem to be really excited about it.

We did make some more progress on our summer bucket list though.



We did sparklers on July 4th.



Aidan was really worried he was going to burn himself as the flame burned down, but Logan was totally into it. We only had one pack, we should have gotten a bunch more, if for no other reason than I could practice with my camera settings and do one of those cool photos where everyone writes a letter with the sparklers.



Last weekend we had a picnic at the pool.




We swam for a while and then moved to the picnic tables in the shade to eat our tuna salad. It was fun, despite the oppressive heat and bathtub water.



This weekend, we went out hunting for fireflies. Unfortunately, we only saw a few and didn't manage to catch any this time. Maybe they were scared of ghost Aidan? :) The boys were really bummed. I told them we'd try again later, but I'm thinking we might be too late this year. Procrastination fail.



Tonight, we ate some homemade popsicles. I really wanted to do some creamy chocolate Fudgsicles from a recipe I saw on Pinterest, but I couldn't find any canned coconut milk at the store, so I scrapped that idea and just used some vanilla pudding we already had, and put some chocolate chips at the bottom of the mold.



Simple, but I think they were a hit, if this face is any indication. :)



Nothing like waiting until the last weekend of summer break to check off a chunk of items on our list! Procrastination, as usual.

I don't think we'll end up doing a moonlight walk this year, since I completely blanked and missed the full moon this month. Although, I guess we could give it a shot next month, since it'll technically still be summer.

We're also heading to the beach in a couple weeks, so that will conclude our summer bucket list for this year. I don't think we did too bad checking things off. I do wish the ice cream truck had come around a few more times and we had some more rain without thunder storms, but I still think we had a pretty fun summer break.

iPhone photo dump {week 24}

Highlights:

• My nephew's 7th birthday was on Saturday, July 7. I took Aidan and Logan to see Brave with the birthday boy and his friends, and then we went back to my sister's for cake, ice cream and presents.
• Aidan lost two more teeth this week. One was hanging by a thread and totally ready to come out. The other was only sort of loose, and got yanked out when Logan grabbed on something that Aidan was biting on. Don't ask me why Aidan was biting somthing in the first place, unless he did it on purpose to get his tooth out.
• I did pretty well eating healthy this week and controlling my portions. My tomato, basil, balsamic, mozzarella and feta wrap/quesadilla was the food highlight of my week. Sooooo good!
• The boys got mustaches in their goody bags from Shaun's party. Aidan and Logan have been wearing them around the house all week, and I crack up every time.
• Grandma Ellie came by this week to bring presents from her trip to NYC. Lorelai was excited to show off her baby doll Emmy, so they played dolls for a little while.
• Lorelai was very very snuggly and kissy with Aidan before we headed to their annual doctor visit. It was the sweetest ever.
• Lorelai and Aidan both got clean bills of health.
• A rainy, cloudy week really brought the ridiculously high temperatures down. Dare I say I was slighty chilly leaving work on Wednesday (since it was about 65 and rainy)? For once, I'm not actually complaining about the rain, but it was nice to see the sun poke out every once in a while.
• We had a "meet the teacher" night at school. Both Aidan and Logan seemed excited about their classrooms and teachers. I was sad that Logan didn't get the same teacher Aidan had, until we found out she's now teaching 1st grade, so he could still have her next year.

Lowlights:

• Brave was scary! I had heard that it was kind of dark, but I didn't figure it would be something that would scare my boys, but Aidan got totally freaked out. Halfway through the movie he put the death grip on me, and that night he was so scared, he couldn't go to sleep. (Oddly, Logan was totally fine.)
• Lorelai is still TERRIFIED of the doctor. As soon as I took her clothes off, she was crying and holding onto me for dear life. It was a really tough appointment. The doctor couldn't even do the whole exam because she was so upset. And she didn't even have to get any shots this time! I have NO idea how we're going to overcome this fear...
• I forgot how much traffic there is when I don't leave work until after 5. Traffic sucks.

All in all, we had a pretty good week. How was yours?

Linking up with Amy @ a good life.