Wise Words Wednesday: Body image

"The Beauty Love Left Behind. A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups. One for every dream you dreamed within me. It isn't very pretty anymore. Some may even think it ugly. That's OK. It was your home. It's where I first grew to love you, where I lay my hand as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be. It held you until my arms could, and for that, I will always find something beautiful in it." -Cassie Fox

via Pinterest (unfortunately, the source on flickr is no longer public and I hate to think it was
because of any of the negative comments I read about people bashing her for daring to post this
photo and calling it beautiful)

I think I've pretty much always had body image issues. Nothing major, but I've never had amazing self esteem, I'm self-conscious and have never really loved or been overly comfortable with my body. My imperfections are largely hidden under my clothes (which I'm thankful for), but that means I'm not really "allowed" to complain because at first glance, people would probably look at me at think things are great because I'm thin, and how lucky I am to have lost all of the baby weight each time. I know I'm thin and I appreciate it, I swear, but I still don't love my body. My belly in particular. I'm not brave enough to post a picture, but it's not too different from the picture above.

My belly has never really been big, but it's always been squishy with love handles and not much definition in the waist. After three pregnancies (each one making it progressively worse), my stomach now is pretty much ruined. Distasis recti, umbilical hernia which I had surgery to repair, stretch marks, and saggy skin that will never go away (short of plastic surgery). And even less of a waist. No amount of BodyRocking will ever make my stomach bikini-ready again, and that's disappointing to say the least. Demotivating, almost.

Although I curse my luck all the time that I wasn't one of the lucky ones (and I know numerous moms in person) whose body and belly bounced back to normal—or at least avoided the deflated balloon look of saggy skin—I do no regret and would never in a million years change anything that got me this belly.  That's why this quote resonated so much with me. Even though I will never be proud of my belly, I am proud that I've got three perfect kids to show for it, and that's the thing I need to focus on.

This has been on my mind a lot lately because ever since I weaned Lorelai in October after 15 months of enjoying the benefits breastfeeding, my metabolism has taken a nose dive. I was fortunate enough to lose all of my baby weight (and then some) which I fully attribute to luck and breastfeeding. Of course, typical me, I wasn't happy about my body then either, because I was too skinny—no butt or thighs, and my jeans looked saggy on me. So I started running and working out to build back some muscle, and kept eating like a moose and not gaining weight. Then I weaned and didn't change my eating habits, so I'm now several pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and my jeans are getting too tight in the waist. I just can't win.

So now I have a renewed focus on being fit and healthy by eating better and working out more, and that's what I'm exposing my kids to. I try to never complain about my body around them because even though I'm ashamed of my belly, I never want them to think there's anything shameful about it.

Bodyrockin' in the house tonight

In addition to running again, I've started Bodyrock.tv's  30-day challenge. I felt like I needed something more to kick my butt into shape and when my trusty exercise tv on demand let me down (where did all of those exercise programs go???), I decided to go with this one (based on Ariel's suggestion) since it's online and free. No DVDs to buy or anything.

I did the fit test on Sunday, and those measly 7 minutes kicked.my.butt. I was definitely sore the next day, but last night Adam and I forged ahead with day 2. Just 12 minutes, but it's intense. Like whoa. I watched the video because I had no idea what some of the exercises were (and man, the sets are complicated!) and I almost decided to quit the whole thing when the instructor was dripping sweat and completely out of breath. Talk about discouraging. If it's difficult for her, there's no hope for me!

Seriously, look at her. Wow.

Some of those exercises are impossible for me to do as she does, so fortunately there were modifications (which are later in the video, after you've already decided you're a failure...design flaw? hmmm). I also improvised with my own modifications during the sets, but I figure that's ok, at least I'm doing something. Hopefully I'll get better with practice, but for now, I'll just be flailing around in my living room looking like a fool. Thank goodness only Adam is there to laugh at me!

I don't know how I'm going to fit this in with running since it's already hard enough to find time to run, so this challenge will take longer than 30 days, for sure. I just hope I start seeing results even if I'm not able to do it every single day.

PS. I'm doing the January challenge because that's what came up when I googled, and I didn't realize there was a February one as well. I'd love to get to the point where I'm doing this in real time, though.

iPhone photo dump {week 6}

Not many pics this week, but it was jam-packed. With lots of fun but also lots of stress and more wacky weather.



Sunday was awesome if for no other reason than chocolate wine (Ariel, yum!), and some of my fave shows on tv: Shameless, House of Lies and Californication. And the wine is practically a health food, right?! Red wine and dark chocolate--I felt my heart get healthy with every sip. For reals :) We also had snow that night and at Jump Zone for a birthday party, Aidan was planking in the bounce house. I think he was wondering why I was cracking up.

Monday I cried at work because I got seriously stressed and frustrated about a presentation my team had to give on Tuesday (and all the work that still had to go into it), but then it was all good because we got free tickets last minute for the boys to join us at a Carolina Hurricanes hockey game. The boys had a blast and the Canes actually won 5-0 against the Washington Capitals, which meant free queso from Moe's the next day. Mmmmmm, queso.

The presentation I stressed about went pretty well on Tuesday. What's funny is that I can lead a meeting, no problem. Same people, similar situation but call it a presentation? I get all nervous and shaky. I loathe public speaking (even though I didn't even have to stand up this time--go figure).

We had gorgeous weather on Thursday, but on Friday, storms rolled in with rain and lots of wind. I watched the huge pine trees in our back yard sway dramatically back and forth, but the storm passed without any wind damage or tornadoes in the area.

I also employed some child labor to vacuum under the kitchen table. That's what happens when you dump half a pouch of blue fun dip all over the floor, even though you're supposed to be sitting at the table so you don't make a mess (ahem, Logan).

On Saturday, some girlfriends and I went to a mixology class at a bar downtown and then grabbed something to eat. It was fun, and now I know how to make coctails like a juicy fruit, pink starburst and a blackberry blast (although I'm not a huge fan of the bourbon that's in that one). Picture me behind the bar slinging bottles like Tom Cruise (no, not really...they didn't even let us mix our own drink. lame!). Not pictured was the huge guilt trip I got from the boys on Sunday for not being home to tuck them into bed (and also from Lorelai with a 5am wake up call for "moooommmmyyyyy"). I guess since I'm a mom, I'm not allowed to have a life. Sigh.

That was our week, how was yours?

Linking up with a good life.

Wacky weather

The weather here has been totally bipolar lately.

We went from this on Saturday...



...to this on Sunday night.



We enjoyed a very spring-like 65 and sunny on Saturday, then by Sunday it was freezing and rainy, with our first snow of the year overnight.

There were 2-hour delays across the area (good call because of what seemed like lots of black ice), but the kids already had the day off for a teacher workday and I had to go to work like normal, so it wasn't even a good snow. I think we only got about an inch overnight and it warmed up and any trace of snow was gone before lunch. Lame!

And now it's going to be 75 degrees tomorrow. Crazytown. Not that I'm complaining about the unseasonably warm weather, but all this back and forth is not cool. And as much as I don't care for cold weather, I'd kinda like one good snow day before winter is over. I'm curious to see if the boys' snowman building has gotten any better since last year. Ha!

Is that a nose...or not? Hmmmm :) (December 2010)

iPhone photo dump {week 5}

Another week, another ton of photos. Fortunately, this week ended up better than last week. Started off with Adam out of town for the funeral, but definitely looked up from there. I think the highlight is that I started running again. That's also the lowlight...it was rough.

Here was our week:




Sunday funday! Despite the fact that we stayed in our PJs all day, we had a fun and productive day. We colored, built (and destroyed) forts and jumped on pillows. The boys also addressed all of their class valentines and we did a craft: wax paper crayon hearts. It took Lorelai's entire nap time for me to string them together into a garland, but they're cute. And still hanging a week later.




On Monday, Lorelai pitched a fit when I didn't wear the shoes she wanted me to wear. She wouldn't stop crying until I changed. I took her to school in my tennis shoes and changed into my boots at Aidan's bus stop. I also had a super yummy lunch with my work team at Bali Hai Mongolian Grill where I ate that ENTIRE plate of food. In my defense, it was more than half veggies and I barely had any rice. That night while I was making dinner, Lorelai decided to rearrange the tupperware cabinet. So helpful.




Tuesday, V-day! More pics from our dinner that almost never was. Logan's looking nice and cheery, post-vomit. You're welcome for no pictures of that.




On Wednesday, Lorelai came home from school with another wacky 'do. She was also weird about her sour cream. She'd happily lick it off her right thumb, but had to have it wiped off her left thumb. Odd! It was a gorgeous day out, so I decided to go for a run--my first since November. Like I mentioned, it was rough. I've got a lot of work to do to get back to where I was. I'm also on a health kick, so I made a spinach, banana and berry smoothie. The berries made it a lovely baby poo color, but it was tasty at least :)




Thursday was nasty and rainy, but Friday was nice again. Aidan was out of school for a teacher workday so I worked from home. After we dropped Logan and Lorelai off at daycare, Aidan, Adam and I went to Starbucks for some coffee and hot chocolate. Nice way to start the day. Girl scout cookies were a nice way to end the day, too. Health kick? What?!




Saturday was another gorgeous day. I went for another run while the kids played outside. I drew a frog and Logan drew a huge fly. Looks like the frog is licking the fly's butt, right? We're so mature. Lorelai loved it when Adam pushed her really fast. Watch out, speed demon!

That was our week, how was yours?

Linking up with a good life, you should too!

What's for dinner?

Nothing awesome, that's for sure. I really need to be better about meal planning because when I don't, I end up scrambling last minute and this is what happens for dinner. Especially when Adam isn't home to eat with us.

        Lorelai's dinner                                    Aidan and Logan's dinner                          My dinner. Not even kidding.

Lorelai had a hodge podge, most of which she didn't even eat. Like 2 black beans, a bite of string cheese and a cracker. She demolished the grapes though and had a half a banana. Guess she didn't appreciate my lack of planning. And for the second time this week, the boys had chef boyardee. At least it's the whole grain kind, but come on. Canned meals? I'm so lazy! At least they enjoy it (they requested it).

My meal was kind of awesome though. That's a spinach smoothie (spinach, banana and grapes) there with the girl scout cookies, so I figure the healthiness of the smoothie (plus a handful of carrots to fill my veggie quota for the day) totally cancels out the unhealthy yumminess that is samoas. For the record, I did NOT eat the whole box. But the rest of them are calling my name as we speak. I'm trying not to listen. I swear, the 4 boxes of cookies we bought are going to be my downfall.

But I do have big plans for tomorrow's dinner. I found this recipe for crock pot honey sesame chicken on pinterest, so we'll see how that goes. I'm pretty excited about it. Although, I hope it's not the sesame seeds that make or break this meal, because I couldn't find them at the store. Hope it goes well so I can add it to my meal rotation!

Wise words Wednesday: Love abundantly

"To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever." -Henry Drummond

Happy belated Valentine's Day! Honestly, I've never really been big on this particular "holiday" and Adam and I don't really make a point to do anything special for each other. We say that, and then most of the time he'll go out and get me flowers anyway (what a sweetie!). This year he brought home a gorgeous bouquet of roses for me and Lorelai. We're lucky girls! Loved abundantly, that's for sure.

Since we didn't really plan to do anything special for each other, we didn't think to do anything for the kids, either (fail!). So we ended up making a last-minute decision to take the kids on a Valentine's "date" to Brixx for pizza. They love the specialty pizza there (their fave is the Mexican pizza) so it was a nice treat.

Although, it was a treat almost didn't end up happening. We went early so we didn't have to wait, and as soon as we walked over to our table, Logan let out a panicked cry and said his tummy was hurting. Adam rushed him to the bathroom, but he didn't quite make it and vomited a little on the floor in the middle of the restaurant. OMG so embarrassing. Thank goodness he got to the bathroom when he did though, because Adam said it was horrendous.

Against all logic (and I think to the dismay of our server who had to clean up the vomit), we ended up staying to eat. Turns out Logan just had WAY too many Valentines and birthday treats from his class party and felt much better when he got it out of his system. He said he wanted to stay so he could eat, so I give him credit for that. I think he learned a really good lesson about how many treats is too many (too bad he had to learn it the hard way!). He didn't even argue when I gave him a special Valentine's dessert but told him he wasn't allowed to eat it until Wednesday.

Aidan and Logan both made me handmade cards (Logan's teacher said he didn't want any help on it and was so proud of what he made--he learned the trick to cutting a symmetrical heart and was so excited about it) and Logan also gave Adam one of his class Valentines. He even remembered how to spell "Daddy" all on his own! Lorelai also brought home a sweet card she made at daycare.

Aidan's card included coupons for free kisses, hugs, a valentine's gift and a "mashag" aka a massage.

I love the saying on Lorelai's card: "Mom and Dad, along life's path, your love has shone the way. For the guidance you have given me, I'm thankful every day. You've always been great parents; I'm so glad you both are mine; deep in my heart you'll always be my favorite Valentine."

I really don't think showing your love for someone has to be about grand gestures one day a year. But I also don't think it's a bad thing to have a holiday to celebrate love. It's easy to take it for granted, although I think the five of us do a pretty good job of showing love on a daily basis. I think that's the reason I don't feel the need to go all out with gifts for Adam or the kids--I feel loved all the time, and I hope they do, too!

A tough conversation

As I mentioned yesterday, Adam's grandfather passed away on Friday. This is the kids' first real experience with death, which led to a tough conversation with them. I had to explain to them that daddy and grandma Cheryl were really sad because her daddy, their great grandfather, went to heaven.

Now, let me say that we don't really like to talk about anything or anyone dying--not even fictional or inanimate objects. Even in Adam's video games, when characters would kill each other, when the boys were little we would just say they're "knocked out" (of course, they probably shouldn't have been watching in the first place, but oh well). To this day, they'll still usually say "knocked out" when they mean dead. We also don't go to church (unless a relative is being baptized or someone is getting married--but that's a discussion for a different time) so I don't really know how much they understand the concept of heaven.

So in response to me saying that great grandpa went to heaven,  Logan said "that's dead, right?" and Aidan said "you mean knocked out?" I had debated whether to tell them at all because I really wanted to keep them sheltered. I didn't want to expose them to the reality that someone you love can die. I'm sure they already realize that to some extent, but I didn't want to burst that bubble for good and scare them. I tried to put as positive a spin on it as I could, so I said he's in a good place now in heaven. He had been sick for a while, but he lived a very long and happy life and was lucky to have a lot of people who loved him very much.

I could tell they were upset, so I made sure to tell them they didn't need to be scared that the same thing would happen to mommy or daddy anytime soon. I may have led them to believe that only old people die, because that was just easier and I didn't really know what to say. It's not every day you have to tell your kids someone died, so I was just sort of winging it. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it (hopefully never!)...

I also explained to them that when someone you love dies, it's okay to be sad but you should think of as many happy and good things about that person as you can, and you celebrate their life. And that was why daddy had to go up to Indiana for the funeral, so he could celebrate his grandpa's life with the people who loved him the most.

Even though they didn't know their great grandpa (Aidan was a baby the last time he was well enough to be down here so Logan never knew him at all), they were sad. They said they were sad for daddy and grandma Cheryl. I'm so proud of their compassion. Even if we've sheltered too much from certain realities in life, at least we've taught them compassion.

Rest in peace, grandpa. You will be missed, but your memory will forever live on with those that loved you.

iPhone photo dump {week 4}

This week was not the best ever. Nothing spectacular happened and there were a lot of lowlights. Lorelai ended the week sick, and we got a call on Wednesday that Adam's grandfather's (his Mom's dad) had taken a turn for the worse and they didn't expect him to live much longer. Friday morning he passed away, so needless to say it's been sad around here. I was especially sad for my mother-in-law who was on her way from NC to Indiana and didn't make it in time to see him one last time before he passed.

On a much more superficial note, my eyes were annoyingly dry every night this week and I hated not being able to wear eye makeup to work all this week. And that buzzer-beater loss to Duke sucked, too.

Here was our week:



Apparently I can't make my mind up about whether I want these recaps to go from Monday through Sunday, or Sunday through Saturday. That, and when you sit around the house all weekend the days just run together. I totally forgot in my last recap that on Saturday Aidan stayed in his PJs all day and we watched UNC beat Maryland.




On Sunday, we did some grocery shopping and I remembered that couponing is so annoying. That afternoon we popped (ha, I just typo'd that as pooped) popcorn and watch Megamind for the first time. Funny stuff.





Tuesday was a loooong day. I had an all day meeting at work. It ran long and we didn't even cover everything I wanted to cover. I didn't take my drops into the meeting so my eyes were crazy dry. Didn't feel like fixing dinner so we went to Moe's, YUM! Finally sat down to relax and cry-laughed watching New Girl. If you're not watching that show, you MUST. Bonus: it made my eyes feel better :) We also forgot to call my niece to wish her a happy 5th birthday. Thank goodness we gave her a present and wished her and early happy birthday in person a few weeks ago!





Thursday I needed lots of coffee from staying up way late just to watch UNC lose to Duke by 1 point at the buzzer. Total bummer. Otherwise, we just had a regular night. You know, wrestling and sword fighting (the boys) and being cute (the girl). Business as usual.




Friday was going well until I got a call at 3:30 from daycare that Lorelai had a 102 fever. I left right away to get her and Logan and then we all went to the bus stop to wait for Aidan. For the most part, Lorelai wasn't acting too sick, but she was a bit more fussy than normal. Probably just some virus, ugh.




Despite the two pictures of us laying in bed on Saturday, we had a pretty productive day. Target errands in the morning, then laundry, floor cleaning and general tidying up of the house. We also said goodbye to Adam who packed to head off to Indy on a 5:30 am flight for his grandfather's funeral. My sister-in-law, nephew and father-in-law stayed over to be closer to the airport. Also, Lorelai's fever came and went throughout the day, but she was playing like normal, thank goodness.

That was our week! How was yours?

Linking up with a good life.

{February} 10 on 10

It's February 10, so that means it's time for another 10 on 10 post!

These photos were all taken yesterday evening inside. I'm still using and loving my 50mm 1.8 so I played around a lot with focal points and shallow depth of field. It totally makes me feel like a professional :) I'm still struggling with white balance a little (I used AWB) and had to do some tweaks in Picasa. I just did some auto color and auto contrast because I didn't feel like messing with Photoshop. The color was better than last time though, and overall I'm liking what I took.

On the way home from the bus stop, Aidan picked a flower to give me. Awww!

Holy gross nails, batman! We clipped and scrubbed them as soon as I saw this photo.

He also had some Star Wars drawings to show off. The boys are pretty much obsessed with Star Wars these days so I see a trip to the movies in our future!


He threatened to blast me if we didn't take him to the movies. (Just kidding! I stopped him from blasting his brother and posed him like this so I could take the pic.)


Lorelai did some coloring while we got dinner ready.


It was serious business.




The boys mugged for the camera during dinner. I probably shouldn't have gone all paparazzi on them while they were eating, but I didn't want to wait until it got dark! Momma's gotta have some good pics to blog about :)




Aidan insisted on making this goofy face, he wouldn't smile. Love it though!


After dinner, Lorelai sported one (only one, the other is lost) of Aidan's UNC happy feet slippers. Despite that nasty loss to Duke on Wednesday, she's still representin' our team. Go Heels! There's always next time...


Linking up with Carly at the simple things.

My LASIK experience, part 2

I already told you about the before and during surgery part. Here's all the post-surgery fun stuff.

Since we had over an hour drive home, they recommended I take the other half of the Xanax to help me deal with the tabasco sauce feeling in my eyes, which was a thousand times worse when the sun hit my eyes. I had to keep a towel over my face, the sunglasses weren't enough. The Xanax worked and I was pretty out of it for the whole drive, until we got to Chick-fil-a to get me some lunch. When I tried to open my eyes, the tears felt like they were literally pouring out of my eyes. I pretty much ate with my eyes closed. Then I took the Lunesta they gave me and passed out for the next four hours.

I woke up to the sounds of the kids being loud after dinner, but I waited until Lorelai was in bed before I got up. Adam and I didn't want her to see me and get upset that I couldn't be with her. I was super groggy and still had my eyes taped and they were watering like crazy so I couldn't really do much. I was able to tuck the boys into bed and let them know I was ok, then laid on the couch for a bit and went back to bed at 9pm. I wasn't supposed to read or watch TV at all for the rest of the day.

I woke up at 5:30, just in time to drive back to Greensboro for my 7am follow-up appointment. It was a really quick appointment where the doctor checked my vision on the chart (almost 20/15 not even 24 hours later!) and made sure my flap was in place and healing nicely. It was such a pain to have to drive all the way back there for a 20 minute appointment, but they say it's so important because they can catch any problems early on and correct them to avoid permanent damage. Sounds good to me! Anyway, on the drive there in the dark, I noticed I was seeing halos around lights, but it wasn't too annoying. This is totally normal and should lessen over time. I didn't even notice it as much when I drove home at dusk yesterday.

I do have red bruises on my eyes from the suction ring they used to hold my eyeball in place while they cut the corneal flap, but all except for a little bit is under my top lids.

ew. awkward and very unflattering pic, but just keeping it real...

The worst thing ever is that I can't wear eye makeup for a whole week following surgery! I totally wish I could wear my sunglasses inside so no one could tell. Ha, I'm so vain.

I'm totally kidding. Honestly the biggest issue at this point is the dry eyes. Oh my freaking goodness, it's so uncomfortable and annoying, especially at night. When I wake up in the middle of the night, it feels like a dried contact stuck to my eyeball. It's not as bad during the day, but staring at a computer screen all day certainly doesn't help things. And almost even more annoying than the dryness itself is the blurriness that lasts for several minutes after I put the lubricating drops in my eyes, which I have to do numerous times a day. I'm still searching for a drop that I really like...

I know the dryness is normal and I was told to expect dryness for at least 6-8 weeks following surgery, but in some cases it lasts 6 month, a year, or never gets better. I can't tell you how much I wish/hope/pray I'm not in that last category. If so, I may end up regretting my decision :( With all the drops that I have to put in my eyes, I'm not to the point where my eyes are any less maintenance than when I was wearing contacts, which was certainly a huge appeal to LASIK.

As of now though, I love that my vision is so much more crisp and clear. It's really nice being able to actually see what I'm doing in the shower and once I stop needing the eye shields at night, it'll be nice to see the alarm clock (assuming my eyes aren't so dry when I wake up that my vision is blurred). I'm especially Looking forward to the summer when I can go to the pool or beach and not have to worry about losing my contacts in the water. I'll reserve judgement on how happy overall I am with my results until my eyes fully heal and if/when the dryness goes away, but I'm very happy with how the procedure itself went. 

And I can't say enough positive things about my doctors at TLC. Dr. Stonecipher performed my surgery, and Dr. Marino did all of my pre-op appointments. The entire staff in both locations was super nice, and overall they were very thorough. Granted, I didn't shop around too much, but I got several good recommendations for them, including from my eye doctor and the research I did on Dr. Stonecipher turned up extremely positive reviews. I'd definitely recommend them if you're local and considering having it done.

So there you have it, my experience. Hope it was helpful (or at least not too boring)! I'll update again just as soon as the dry eye goes away--I'll be shouting that good news from the rooftops fo sho!

iPhone photo dump {week 3}

Last week I was a complete stress ball and totally yet again totally preoccupied with all my eye issues and LASIK stuff so I didn't take a ton of photos. Highlights of the week: Lorelai got a clean bill of health at her 18 month appointment and LASIK! Lowlight: Lorelai got bit at school.




On Monday, Lorelai had her 18-month appointment. She was all smiles out in the waiting room looking at the fish. And then she was not all smiles. On Tuesday, Lorelai came home from daycare with a crazy 'do. Her current favorite book is Snuggle Puppy, so Aidan read to her while we got dinner ready.




On Wednesday, I had to wake Lorelai up in the morning, which is unusual, but very nice. On Thursday, someone thought Lorelai was as yummy as we think she is and took a bite out of her arm. When Adam picked her up from school, she showed it to him and said "ow, bite." Poor baby :( Luckily it didn't break the skin or interfere with her coloring abilities. She's really loving coloring these days, and it's been weeks since she tried to eat the crayons. Progress!



On Wednesday I went to TLC to get a check up and then on Friday I got the all clear for LASIK. Mom and I stopped at Krispy Kreme on our way. Yum! We got a dozen donuts to bring home to Adam and the kids, but somehow only two were left before breakfast on Saturday, so of course we had to stop for another dozen on our way home from the follow up. And now I'm fasting because OMG too.many.doughnuts.



On Saturday I woke up at 5:30 to go to my follow up appointment so I was super tired and lazy for the rest of the day. We all pretty much just sat around on the couch all day which was probably bad parenting, but provided plenty of cute Lorelai moments, like when she tried on my shoes and when she conned me into getting her a piece of bread and then really wanted to show me how yummy it was.

One thing I noticed this week was that I get so many more pictures of Lorelai because the boys (especially Logan) have started hiding from me whenever I pull out my phone to get a pic. Boo!

Linking up with a good life and you should, too!

My LASIK experience, part 1

Warning: this will probably be more than you ever wanted to know about my experience. Sorry! Or, you're welcome in case you were overly curious :) Since I'm long-winded, I'll make this a multi-part series. Please, try to contain your excitement.

Spoiler alert: I can see! And I'm not (permanently) maimed!

not pictured: the nasty red bruises on my eyeballs (mostly hidden
under my lids) from the suction ring they used while cutting the corneal flap.
Also? why are iphone self portraits so awkward?

After all the drama from last week, I was given the all clear for surgery this past Friday. I went in to get checked out the Wednesday before, and I honestly thought they'd call off my surgery again because my eyes were feeling even more dry. I'm talking Sahara desert, eyeballs sticking to my eyelids at night dry. Fortunately, my corneas somehow managed to heal a bit, I guess from all the drops I was putting in them during the day, so they were looking better.

I had also done a ton of research (thank you, Google) and managed to figure out that I might be having a reaction to a preservative in two of the drops I had been taking. It's called BAK (Benzalkonium chloride) and when I mentioned it to the doctors (they were both in the office seeing me), they agreed that seemed like a likely answer, although it's a pretty rare allergy. Either that, or it was the active ingredient in the antibiotic drop I was taking (Zymaxid--also not a common allergy). They put me on Vigamox instead and made sure my lubricating drops didn't have any preservatives, and said my eyes would probably be all healed by Friday. But just to be sure, they said I could go to the doctor's private practice 20 minutes away for a check before I wasted more time driving all the way out to Greensboro.

Like I said, I got the all clear, so off to Greensboro my mom and I went. I was actually less nervous walking in than I was the first time. But as soon as I started signing all the paperwork, I started to freak out. You have to sign all the papers in your right mind, not under the influence of anything (go figure, ha!) so I didn't get the Xanax until afterwards. At that point I was so freaked out that I needed another half of a Xanax to calm down.

I got called back all by myself, where they took my glasses, put a cap on me and washed my eye lids. I laid down on the table and got ready for step 1: the eyeball slicing (aka creating the corneal flap). For the record, there was no actual slicing involved--it's all blade-less (they used IntraLase). The doctor placed suction cups on my eyeballs, slid the laser over me and went to work, one eye at a time.

Then it was time for step 2: reshaping the cornea. I had to get up and walk from one table to another, where they set me up under the fancy-schmancy laser I drove all the way to Greensboro for. It's a wavefront Allegretto laser, in case anyone was wondering. I'm not sure the exact time it took, but it seemed like only seconds per eye. I'm glad it was pretty quick because the smell was gross. I'm glad they told me ahead of time that it wasn't the smell of my eyeballs burning, it was just the smell of the laser working (what's the difference? I don't know, but that made me feel better). It felt like he used a paint brush to put my corneal flap back in place. It was pretty soothing and I remember thinking it was kind of like the paint brush they used on my face the last time I had a facial. Is it weird that I was thinking that? Probably :)

On thing that really surprised me was that I didn't have any trouble keeping my head or eyes still. It's a lot of pressure, having to sit absolutely still and stare at a red light OR ELSE. That's obviously because of the Xanax, I can't even tell you how sosososoSO glad I am that I took it.


Anyway, after it was all over I got guards taped over my eyes, sunglasses on, and basically got ushered straight out the door to the car. I was kind of surprised they didn't want to have me recover a bit and check me again before I left, but I guess that's what the 7am Saturday appointment was for.

Stay tuned for the riveting conclusion to my lasik experience, part 2... The suspense. OMG.